Tuesday, November 30, 2004

Stitching Blogger's Question of the Week

November 29, 2004

Do you know it all or is there something out in the stitching world you still want to know how to do?

I can't even imagine knowing it all. There are so many different stitches, so many different techniques I have never seen, not to mention trying.

At the moment I think I would like to try stumpwork. And, and, and... I know I have to dely learning completely new techniques until I have mpre time again. It would simply eat up too much of my stitching time and I wouldn't get anything done, but one day, I will surely do it. I still have plenty of time.

At the moment I am just enjoying a little bit more advanced pieces, like Heirloom Christmas Sampler with different kind of specialty stitches, drwn thread, etc. I find the diagramms easy to follow. So I think for the moment I will stay with dofferent kind of counted thread. I would also like to stitch something with different kinds of filling stitches. I have seen a couple of things that really do appeal to me (like Genny Morrow's Nova for example) but they tend to be really expensive and I cannot afford such a huge project at the moment. But sooner or later I will try something like that out.

Monday, November 29, 2004


One of my biggest issues.

I have always had problems with procrastinating, but within last year the problem got really huge. I don't know if it's because of staying at home, or because of any other reason, but now I leave things until well past the very last minute.

Like now e.g. when I should be learning for my exam. But you know blogging is more important LOL. I still have a hope that I will manage, but this way I won't know until I get the paper back. It's not even a boring class, I really enjoy it. So I don't really know why I am procrastinating that much. I think that's bothering me the most. That I don't know why I am procrastinating. It's not that I'm bored or tired, or whatever. OK, last week was more difficult for me than I want to admit, but I am already better now. I COULD be learning already. But I'm not. Why?

I am not even stitching either. I had a lot of time this evening and I only did a little bit of backstitching. I am alerady behid with my mini-rotation plans too. And there's less and less time left (only 7 weeks approx.) OK, I'm not even sure any more if I want to enter the pieces in the show in Lodz, but I would like to finish them nonetheless.

I want to finish 5 pieces before adding new pieces to my rotation. The three from my mini-rotation (HCS, Flowers of Joy and Catch the Wind) and the two that are close to being finished: Weeping Wisteria and French Mystery Garden. Then I would have plenty of space for new starts (including the ones I have just ordered)

So why on Earth, am I procrastinating? Why am I sitting on my a** waiting for things to happen? They won't until I actually DO something.

I think this is going to be my main goal next year. To stop or at least significantly diminish my procrastination. I hope I will do good on this goal, this years goals, although I could do better, were not that bad. If I keep losing 1 lb per week now, I will have lost 30 out of the 50 lbs I wanted to lose. I kept working on other goals as well, I got my Bachelor's, have a new Thursday friend, etc. So maybe if I set this as a goal for next year I will do better? But you know, I will put it off... till next year!!!

I think I'm a master of procrastination.

Blogging in English

First of all, Isabelle, thanks for your comment! I liked your blog as well, and surely I will lurk more often.

I am neither German nor come from an English-speaking country. I am Polish :) I live in Germany at the moment and I speak German at home with DH, so I'm kinda fed up with German LOL. I like it, I'm fluent, but I don't really like writing in German and I feel I have enough contact with it (TV, books, talking, etc.)

I could of course blog in Polsih and I did a little bit. But it was not a good idea. When I was still having my charity project I wanted to vent about things often and I couldn't in Polish, because everything I said was seen as an attack on my very own project. But I still needed to write and think aloud, and I didn't know the people to know about my personal problems, because I was afraid of them using it against me. And they did in the very end, but because of things I said personally to one person I trusted... So it was really clever not to tell them about the blog, as at least I can feel safe now here.

And I chose English, also because I love BBoards and wanted to connect with my friends from the boards in this way. I enjoy reading other stitching blogs and I like the feeling that someone is reading mine LOL. So I think I'll keep blogging in English (even if it really needs re-brushing), because I really enjoy it and I feel safe this way.

I could blog in Polsih now, that the project is not in my hands any more, but then I also left the stitching forum, so no reason to change anything.

Sunday, November 28, 2004

Cool new tracker

Saturday, November 27, 2004

Major s. (you know what)

I have just sent a huge order to Bobbie from Stitching Bits and Bobs and I have found a new floss fairy willing to adopt me :) Somehow life is very pretty again LOL. There's nothing in the world that can be compared to a good s experience :)

I will let you know what I am getting another time, now I have to gather my things for tomorrow's uni. I hope I will find some time tomorrow evening to post another note. And on Monday I'm going to take the photos of the WIPs, although I haven't made any progress in the last 3 days. I hope on Monady I will be able to come back to stitching and will enjoy it again.

My mood is already much much better, even before I knew I could get stash LOL.

Thursday, November 25, 2004

I am from Mercury! (and somehow suspected it!)

You Are From Mercury

You are talkative, clever, and knowledgeable - and it shows.
You probably never leave home without your cell phone!
You're witty, expressive, and aware of everything going on around you.
You love learning, playing, and taking in all of what life has to offer.
Be careful not to talk your friends' ears off, and temper your need to know everything.

Just a test of pinging

This note is just to test the ping from the Blogrolling site.

So that you know

You Are a Life Blogger!

Your blog is the story of your life - a living diary.
If it happens, you blog it. And make it as entertaining as possible.

End of War

I gave up and gave them all the passwords, etc. It's not worth it.

On the lighter note:

You are 73% Aries

Wednesday, November 24, 2004

State of War

Unfortunately my charity project turned out into a War. I gave up a part of the responsibility on the Nov 1st and already on the 24th, they changed all the passwords, so that I cannot access them. Somehow I find it even funny and a very good lesson for the future, not to give the passwords to anyone. Once more I got it proven that it's not a good idea, to trust people.

Anyway I still kept the password for the website and they cannot access it. So now, we have a clinch, no one can do anything without the other side. Rather funny, if it wasn't for the work and my heart invested in this project, but we will sea what happens in the future.

Tuesday, November 23, 2004

Just wanted to note...

that my weigth moved to 72,4 kg that is 159 lbs. I think I like loosing weight in lbs better, the tens are moving much quicker LOL. It also means that my BMI is at 24.9 and officialy withing the healthy range. Isn't that great?? When you see that I was over 12 kg (25 lbs) heavier last January, I think it's a big success. I am halfway there now, to my ideal weight.

Stitching Blogger's Question of the Week

November 22, 2004

Hand-dyed fabrics - love 'em or hate 'em? If you love them, what kind/colours do you have?

I'm not really sure yet if I will like stitching on the, as I have never tried. But I'm going to try them out soon. I have three pieces on my wish list at the moment. Two are SMF faabies. They are Sun Dappled Glade for Dracolair Creations Dawn Awakening and Thunder for Midnight Hunting. They are not my own choices, I''ve stolen the choices from Asa, because I really liked how the draggies tunred out on them. I think I will feel more confident in choosing hand-dyed fabbie, when I have actually stitched something on it.

The third one will be for Lanarte's Three Champions. I am not yet sure, what I'm going to choose, but it might me SMF Potpourri. I would like a fourth piece also for the Underwater Sampler I am designing, but I'm not really sure if hand-dyed wouldn't be too busy in this case. A plain pale blue might be better for it. I will decide on the fabbie when I'm done with desiging it and it's still a very long way. I have no time or motivation at the moment to start working on it again.

In general I find hand-dyed fabbies really beautiful and of course would like to have maaaany LOL. But as it really is very expensive, I don't think I am going to collect it, unless I suddenly get rich.

Sunday, November 21, 2004

Somehow better

Today is slightly better, we do talk, even if it's only about everyday stuff.

To compensate I had again problems with my charity project. It was on a false days, as I barely slept at all (DD got up before 5 am) and was in a bad mood from the verys morning. Putting it in short I gave up my leadership to someone else and not it's not my project any more. I think that dealing with the probkems from February until now is enough, I will gladly let someone else solve them. The girl is not 100% sure she wants it, she will let me know tomorrow. I hope she does accept, as I really have enough. I have enough personal problems to deal with and someone else will be better in my place.

And now on to stitching as I didn't get any stitching time yesterday (was too upset by the quarrel).

Saturday, November 20, 2004

Downhill ride...

Another bad day... Maybe even worse than normal.

We quarreled again in the evening and I am not even crying. I think I have no more tears. When will he understand that I am short before leaving? When will he take our relationship serious? Does he really think that bringing me tea is going to save our marriage?

And it's always about the same thing. I am 27 and feel at least 72, although I know some 80-year-olds with a more vivid lifestyle. If not now, then when??? I have been living this life for 5,5 years, always hoping that it's only temporary. When we have more money, things will change, when I stop working crazy hours things will change, when we have a baby things will change. I guess these illusions are lost once and for all. Nothing's gonna change. Nothing.

I haven't been to the cinema for 2 years.
I haven't been to a concert for 4 years.
I haven't been to an exhibition for 7 years.
I haven't been to a classical music concert for 8 years.
I haven't been to a theater for 6 years.
I haven't been to a party for 4,5 years.
I haven't been on holiday with DH for 5 years.

Add the no sex and no alcohol rule and you have a perfect picture of my life.

On the top DH is always trying to make me look like a junkie because I want all those. You know if you have sex with your DH you are a mitomaniac, if you drink 1 glass of red wine on Sundays you are an alcoholic, if you go to a party 2 times in a year, you are a... Well, you know. Cinema is waste of money, opera and art exhibitions are for idiots, concerts are too expensive and holiday is never possible (you know we have cats and if my brother was watching them they would surely all die immediately). Oh, I forgot sport, it's for total idiots.

You can watch TV and play computer games. Just a pity I abhore both (I have generally nothing against those two, I just don't enjoy it at all).

Oh, I forgot that it's my fault that we are not going anywhere. I shpuld choose something hid royal higness will enjoy, take care of baby-sitters, get the tickets and wait for a moment of good mood to offer them to DH. So if you didn't know, it's all my fault.

I just got to know also that we cannot afford consueling. Because, you know, divorce in Germany is much cheaper (not).

If not for DD, I would leave now. But DH loves her and I've seen his relationship with a child that does not live with him. He doesn't care at all for DSS. The same would happen with DD if I left. So it's mine happiness or hers. I have no choice, hers comes first, she did not asked to be born. The choice of the father was my mistake not hers and I have to carry the consequences. At least until she's 18. Until then I have to watch how I can make my life bearable and try to go out more by myself. Maybe with time I get used to being on my own more and will actually enjoy it. At the moment I am too busy with thinking about how unhappy I am to enjoy anything at all, but this has to change. I hope that this every Thursday "date" with S. and K. will be a good start. It's so hard to find nice companions to go out together and enjoy art exhibitions, etc. Everyone is doing it with their DH or boyfriend, or at least it seems so. But I guess it's not impossible, so I have to start trying, otherwise my unhappiness will start affecting DD.

Friday, November 19, 2004

About everything...

So, before I go back to stitching on HCS I wanted to write a small note.

As for HCS, I am already working on band 16. I am really happy with the progress, even though I am not beading as I go. I will leave it till I'm done with the stitching, but still band 16 is good. Today is my last day on HCS, tomorrow I will start working on Catch the Wind. I hope to make a solid progress in the next 4 days, as there's still a lot left on it.

I have only 2 weeks left until my exams and I am still procrastinating. I still haven't even opened the books, even though I am INTERESTED in this class. Really. I don't know what's wrong with me in this field. Maybe after I have stitched some, I will take a look at my books and at least decide what I want to learn and how. I still need to write an e-mail to someone asking for copies of the hand-outs from the last lecture I did not manage to copy last time.

I googled out that the DH of the girl I visited yesterday is a professor and was even teaching at Harvard. He writes books about methaethics. I don't think I would ever want to discuss anything hot with someone who understands books about methaethics, not mentioning actually writing them!

Marriagewise no changes. I still feel like I am living with a complete stranger under one roof. With an annoying stranger. I am more and more convinced it's me this time. DH is not doing anything wrong at the moment, I would even say he tries hard to be like I want him to be. Too little? Too late? I don't know. Time will tell I guess. I guess we would probably need some counseling, but he want take care of that and I do not feel like searching, calling, making appointments, asking, reminding again. My lack of interest in the future of this marriage scares me. I'm not even unhappy any more. And still divorce is not an option for me, for 1000s of reasons. So if it's not an option, I should do something about it, right?

I'm a little tired now, as DD threw a mega-tantrum in the afternoon. She was tired, because she only slept 20 minutes during the day, but 4 pm is too early to go to sleep. It's good it's not her standard behavior.

Thursday, November 18, 2004

Good times for a change

Today was a good day. DD was a perfect baby and I really had fun. I met a Polish Mommy living in Berlin, I knew only from E-mails. I think we are going to like each other and already decided to meet every Thursday. She even stitches and loves horseback riding LOL.

Like always, I talked to much on the first "date". I usually do, when I'm slightly nervous LOL. I hope she doesn't mind that much and will notice, that it's not the ordinary me. I usually talk much less. She has a very nice daughter and DD and K. played really nicely together (well, as nicely as a 12-month old and a 16-month old can do). Anyway there were no tears on both sides, which is a huge achievement. K. pretended to feed DD and DD was laughing and pretended she was eating. It was really fun to watch. I think it's also very good for DD, as she tried to copy K. I think she enjoyed our stay at their place a lot.

I also enjoyed the conversation. She is very intelligent and is doing her PhD in history of culture. She is slightly older, but not as much that it makes a gap between us. And anyway I like being the younger, so I really hope it's going to work, both for me and DD.

I do not make friends easily and it really takes a special person to make click for me, so I hope she does like me as well :) Now I only have to convince her that I do not talk that much usually :)

Wednesday, November 17, 2004

Kitty cat...

You are a Ragdoll! You are known for your laid
back attitude. You are the ultimate in
low-maintenance. You'd rather hang out around
the house all day than seek adventure.

What breed of cat are you?
brought to you by Quizilla

Stitching Blogger's Question of the Week

November 16, 2004
Do you find that having another distraction (music, movies, people to talk to) while stitching helps you make progress or make mistakes?

I usually like my stitching time quiet and peaceful. Usually it's not like that, as I have a one year old distraction who takes care of sound effects :) I got used to it, though and do not mind it very much any more. Usually while stitching in DD's presence, we listen to the radio.
When I'm alone I either listen to my rock CDs or nothing at all. I suspect I might have sensory overload disorder, as I find it extremely difficult to survive two hours at the cinema or even in front of the TV watching films. If I watch (I rarely do) I usually tape and watch afterwards, making pauses to take a breath. I have no problems with shopping malls though, so I'm not sure if it's really sensory overload.
I would like to stitch in front of the TV, watching films with DH, if he was willing to watch something else than thrillers and action films. I do not like them (with the exception of James Bond, who is simply cool :) ) We were talking about watching different kind of films, but never tried it out. What's more DH hates talking while watching films, and I cannot keep my mouth shout in front of the TV LOL. So I guess, it's a lost case.
I don't mind for other people being in the same room while I'm stitching, I can still follow a conversation. But usually I am stitching in the bedroom, before we go to sleep. It's usually my most effective stitching time.

Tuesday, November 16, 2004

Procrastinating big time

Today was a better day as far as my mood is concerned. On the other hand, except for cleaning the bedroom, I didn't do anything at all. No learning, no stitching, nothing. I read a book, that's all. Again I feel guilty, because I should be devoting my 3 hours a day to HCS and it was already less yesterday and today none. I will try to put at least an hour into it, when I'm ready with the boards and blog.

I decided finally I am not going to Warsaw to take part in the TV show. DH is not willing to stay with DD for 4 days in a row, and the TV is not willing to pay the full cost of the tickets to fly there. So, they have to manage without me. Not that I was eager in the beggining, but in a way it's a pity. I wanted to see how such a show is made and the moderators seemed very nice and really interested in what we are doing. Anyway I now have to help to find a third person to take part in it, which might turn out to be difficult. We will see, I feel better now, the decision is made, even if I had a slight hope, DH will change his mind.

Tomorrow I am going to the gym, after 5 weeks away (holiday + cold), I'm quite sure, it's going to be difficult. I have to rebuilt the condition though, I'm quite sure I will feel much better (like I did in the summer).

Except for that I have been surfing the Net, looking for charts and kits I wish for Christmas. As the CCs will not be arriving any time soon, there is no change my orders arrive in time for Christmas, but still it makes fun to choose and drool over patterns. I am making my wish list now and when the cards arrive, I will only have to go through it and pick some. I hope it's going to happen soon.

Jo, thanks for your comment :) It definitely did cheer me up.

Sunday, November 14, 2004

New Mini-rotation

As I want to enter 3 pieces in the stitching show in my home town I decided to go ex rotatio and only stitch on the three said pieces. I need most time for Heirloom Christmas Sampler, so I I'm going to stitch this way:

1. HCS 6 days
2. MLI Catch the Wind 4 days
3. HCS 6 days
4. Flowers of Joy 4 days

I have around 60% of Catch the Wind and Flowers of Joy stitched and hope that I will manage the rest until January. I think that Flowers of Joy should take less, so I will have additional time for HCS and Catch the Wind.

I am going to continue stitch the ornies for ornie RR in the meantime.

Stitching Blogger's Question of the Week

Another thing I am going to copy from Rachel :) Stitching Blogger's Question of the Week - the complete edition :)

October 11, 2004
You've just been given a $100 gift certificate to buy anything cross stitch or needlework related - what would you spend it on right now?
At the moment I would immediately order Dimensions Gracious Era and Winter's Lace. Except for them I would get a couple of Vikki Clayton silks (for the underwater sampler I would like to design) and a ribbon for it. As there still would be some money left, I think I would get one of the "geographical" samplers Jeannette Douglas designs. I don't knwo whcih one, though. They are all so pretty.
I know I am not very original in my choices, but with all the enabling on the Rotation and Dimensions boards, it's hard to resist.

October 25, 2004
What are you working on right now?

At the moment I am working on Victoria Sampler Heirloom Christams Sampler. It is in my new small rotation (see next post) and I've just started it. It has a deadline on Jan 15 (approx.) as I want to enter it in the stitching show in my home town. I have had some problems with the four sided stitches on it, and for a cuple of days did not enjoy stitching at all. Now the problems are solved and although the stitches are not perfect, I am happy to be done with them. I still have the evil tree to stitch (it's only halfway done).

November 01, 2004
What would you do if stitching was banished by law?

Oh, that's tough. I don't know if I would continue to stitch hoping no one will ever know, or I would look for another hobby. I do enjoy stitching immensely, but I'm not addicted and I don't knwo if I would risk a punishment for it. But I would surely miss it awfully, it's such a nice, portable hobby.

November 08, 2004
What project has been a WIP/UFO the longest? Or what project took you the longest to complete?
I have been stitching for a couple of years only (I think since 2001), so there can't be any really old UFOs. I think the oldest UFO is the Hummingbird, it must be 2,5 years old. The WIP I worked on the longest were my Cats for all Seasons, this piece took 3 years to get finished finally.
I guess this number will be beaten, when I finally start some of the pieces I really want to stitch. I don't think I can finish a large TW in under 3 years, especially as I enjoy a rotation with ca. 10 pieces. When I'm done with my Mini-rotation, I want to start some new pieces, I just don't exactly know which ones yet. I have a couple kitted up and I would like to get some, when we finally get new CCs. So I guess I won't be quick in finishing any time soon, unless I go ex rotatio, which I do not plan for an time sonn.

Maybe not?

At the moment I decided to continue blogging here. It's my home, even if I'm alone here and no one ver reads it.

Actually I was inspired by what Rachel wrote about her marriage. I think that I need to write about such things more. First, because DH and my friends do not and will not read this blog (they don't even know it exists) and second because I have to in the end TALK to someone, even if it's just talking to myself.

But I leave it for later on, at the moment life is OK.

Thank's to Stacy's help I managed to solve the problem with four sided stitches and although they are far from perfect, they do not bother me any more. I have found the joy of working on the HCS again. I might try to take pictures of some of my WIPs and post them here.

Another positive is my weight loss journey. Yeas, I started it again, I was starting with a whopping 79 kg (174 lbs) and I am now down to 74 kg (163 lbs). I still have a very long way to go, as I aim for under 60 kg (132 lbs), which is my pre-marriage weight. It is still 15 kg (over 30 lbs) to go, but at least I am making progress on my route. I hope this time I will not fall back into the old eating patterns.

This time we are both trying to lose wieght (DH and me). We are doing the South Beach diet and it seems to be OK. DH is more happy with it, I crave the carbs much much more (we are still in Phase 1), but I think I will make it through until Phase 2. I know the wight loss then is not so great any more, but I hope to lose 1 kg per week approx and be at my target weight in March/April. It would be great, I think if I really manage I am going to go clothes shopping. At the moment I hate buying clothes. Whatever I see that I like, it looks awfull on me, and I am not working anyway, so I wear what I have and buy only if I really, really have to. Which means very rarely. I already like thinking about indulging myself in new clothes LOL. Clothes that actually fit and look good on me LOL. I still have a good motivation and I am trying not to cheat even a litrle bit and hope it is going to work this time.

Wednesday, November 10, 2004

The End??

I am thinking about giving up. This blog was suppsoed to help me go through this difficult phase in my life and document my stitching etc. But I feel like I am talking to the wall here. I never got a comment, I almost never get any visits. Just me and my thoughts. It got too claustrophobic for my liking.

I dont' know maybe one day, I will come back, maybe I will start at different place. I am still not sure. I would like to have my own little place where I can say things I have never said to anyone. Get rid of the thoughts and feelings that live inside me. And document my progress on stitching, my taste changes, etc.

But I feel like I do not fit in here.. like I'm from a different fairy tale... Again the one that doesn't belong...

Whatever... It doesn't matter any more.