Monday, January 24, 2005

Not doing good...

First of all, this entry is going to be mainly whining. Please be warned upfront.

I have not been doing good recently. My End-of-the-Year bad mood somehow muted into I'm-here-to-stay depression, sigh. I feel like a failure and I act like a failure. I haven't even set any goals for the year, because I feel that I'm going to be a failure at them anyway. I haven't been to the gym for 3 months and of course we are still paying for that. I cannot get myself together enough to pack my things and just GO. I can see the gym from my windows, so it's really not like travelling to the other side of Earth. On Saturday I got merely a B for the project and didn't finish the test, because I couldn't concentrate properly. I still expect to pass it, no chance for the much needed A. I have exams again next Saturday and then in two weeks. Almost no stitching done in January and I was going to get Catch the Wind and Weeping Wisteria finished this month.

Is there a magic wand somewhere? Can I get back to my old self? I ordered a bunch of books from Amazon about concentration, procrastination and time management (of course DH had to say something about it), but are they going to help at all?

I am also thinking about a therapy, but it's so complicated to get it. I know that if I managed to press myself into a rythm for two weeks I would take it from there and continue, but it's the two weeks that is so difficult.

Of course it doesn't help that I am dieting again and it's TTOTM. And even in dieting I cheated on the weekend. I just feel like I could sleep 22 hours a day and spend the rest eating.

Sorry for rambling, I really hope things get better soon and I will be back blogging in a better tone.


Blogger Mia said...

(((((Gosia))))) Take things one day at a time and one step at a time. I know when I have hit rock bottom so to speak, I just take it one moment at a time. Sometimes you need to do something for yourself. You seem so overwhelmed and I have been there before too. It may not seem like a start, but do something for yourself and you will see how much better you will feel. It could be something as small as a soak in the tub with a book. I will be thinking of you.

5:36 PM  
Blogger KarenV said...

{{{Gosia}}} - I'm sorry you're feeling so down at the moment. You're most certainly not a failure, so please try not to think that. Hang in there and I hope things get better for you very soon.

6:21 PM  
Blogger Kiwi Jo said...

Sorry you are feeling down Gosia. Do you think it could be a seasonal thing? I know I am always more depressed in winter and one thing which helps a little is to get outside everyday and make sure I see some daylight. Maybe take your little girl for a walk?? Just an idea, I hope you find some way of cheering yourself up. And you are NOT a failure. I think you are amazing studying and bringing up a child at the same time.

8:57 PM  

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