Monday, February 28, 2005

Mastering Reality Rejection

"I reject your reality... and substitute my own!" - Adam Savage, Mythbuster

I am in, full time in, this time. No February this year, no February next year, no February ever. And I used to like this month before...

I think a little bit of my reality would do good to my world, so here I come:

In my reality DH has a fulfilling career and is able to see me as a partner and beloved person. He understand he's not only a father, but also a husband, above all a husband and acts accordingly. DD is just DD, because in fact, she's perfect as she is. Still. I hope we won't mess her too soon. But the person who is completely different is me. I am the person I was 6 years ago, just with the experience I have now. OK, I was definitely far from being perfect 6 years ago, but somewhere on the way I gave up on myself.

In my reality I have a couple of close friends, living within 15 minutes from here, when I can always pop up for tea and chat. You don't get fat from carbs and working up is pure pleasure. Keeping a horse is ridiculously cheap, so I have two in the garden that miraculously takes care of itself all alone.

Some anonymous sponsor recognizes my intelligence and comes up with an offer to found my research in whatever I please if I decide to pursue my PhD. He offers me help from some really helpful, friendly and interesting professors who guide me in the right direction and discuss voluntarily my ideas.

I don't feel lost between the cultures, but at home in both.

And to top everything there's one person out there in whose arms I can cry out and who never judges me for what I am not and never pressures me to give myself up.

Friday, February 25, 2005

Stitching Blogger's Question

Do you participate in round robins?

If so, how many have you participated in? Do you participate in more than one at a time? Summarize your experiences (good and/or bad).

If not, have you thought about it?

I have never participated in a regular Round Robin yet. I also don't know if I would like to. I am quite scared about the fabbie, don't really know hwta I would do with the finished piece, I'm not sure I would like to search for different patterns, etc. The only RR that really has my attention now is the Sticher's Lane RR, but it has already started, so no temptation for me LOL.

I have participated in a friendship quilt square exchange and loved it. It was realy pleasure and I'm going to turn the squares into a quilt when I'm back to quilting (I stopped because of DD). I can imagine doing it once more.

I have also enjoyed the ornie RR, that had come to an end now, but I hope to be able to participate in the next round. I love this way of stitching ornies and can only recommend it, based on my experiences.

Tuesday, February 22, 2005

A little bit of everything

There has been a lot going through my mind lately, so please, forgive me the chaos.

First of all, I would lke to invite you to a new ezboard I grew to love in the last days. It's "Women of Mystery" , no not another cross-stitching board, but one dedicated to female mystery writers and their books. I love the chat there and already was enabled to a huge library haul. If you like reading mysteries, just take a look... and stay!

Then half of my order from Bobbie arrived! I'm so happy, both Dracolair dragons and both Jeanette Douglas Canada samplers are there, also my threads, beads and fabby. I can now start a couple of new things! Venice Palace has already started being slightly boring, so maybe I will treat myslef to another new start. My rotation is still out of the window, but I'm slowly getting to the point of missing it (or her - rotation is female in Polish LOL). I still don't want to force myself to do anything, as my inner balance is still very fragile. But definitely winning the Wagon Challange contest and now getting the supplies to drool over them are helping.

Also my left overs from our ornie RR have arrived from Christine. I have to finish my ornie yer and send the left over to Eva, but I have very little left, so hopefully it's going to get finished very soon.

I am still coping with my life, better or worse, but I'm still winning. I had a very hard time on the weekend, when I got a full blown anxiety attack at the hotel for several hours, but I hope this is just the aftermath of the last weeks and not something new forming. We'll see...

Also there has been a lot of heartache on the boards, newsgroups and blogs. I don't know exactly the whos and whys and I don't really care. Even though, it has managed to bring back a lot of the heartache I felt in November when I was leaving my charity. Especially as one of the drama stages is a charity project. The situation is different, but it still brings the memories back, especially as the people involved used to be my very close Internet friends. I know it's just Internet and it shouldn't hurt so, but unfortunately for many people it does. Also for me it did, espeically as I knew the people personally. If only there was a way to get people to act in a nice way, sigh...

DD still has a running nose and today she's really in a very bad mood. I was sort of locking her in her room and letting her scream until the police comes LOL. I know she's crancky, but unfortunately it doesn't let her screams sound any quieter... Thank's God she's sleeping now, I hope she's going to wake up in a better mood.

See you again soon, everyone, you mean so much to me :)

Friday, February 18, 2005

Exams are over!!!

I passed tha last exam and I got an A!!! I'm so glad, I defintely didn't expect it. It also seems that I will be getting the pressie from DH, but have to wait at least until April., sigh :) But then you know just the though that I will be getting it is enough :) I am still waiting for my order made during the Thanksgiving sale, so it's not that I have nothing to look forward to.

I have to think what I really want to get, some things are already sure, like Needles Necessities Floss Overdyed or Vicki Clayton silk floss, but the rest is undecided yet. I also think I am going to try out Weberei Weddigen fabric. I have already had their Hardanger fabric and was very happy with the quality, so I hope also their higher count fabrics are going to be fine. I am going to order a catalogue with real fabric swatched before I decide what I want. This fabric is much cheaper than Zweigart.

I have to go to school Sat and Sunday and have quite a lot of hours. I will be spending the night at the hotel and I'm taking Venive Palace and some books with me. I'm sure I'm going to enjoy my evening alone :)

Wednesday, February 16, 2005

And the winner is...


I won the 2004 Wagon Challange Contest and will be getting a mystery prize :) It really made my day; I just take it as a sign that things are starting to look brighter :) I am so happy!! I normally do not have a lot of luck, but if then it usually comes in a series, so I just hope other things will get sorted out soon.

Just wanted to post a happy note for a change (hopefully permanent).

Tuesday, February 15, 2005

Stitching Blogger's Question

What is your favorite fabric to stitch on?

I will try to catch up on ReneƩ's previous questions asap, but for the moment I start with the current one.

Like ReneƩ I think there's nothing wrong with Aida. It's just that I don't like it. It's stiff, it doesn't look good on the non-stitched spaces, it's difficult to do quarter stitches and impossible to do the specialty stitches. Those are my reasons and of course anyone can disagree.

My progress from Aida was to white 27ct Linda as well. I enjoyed it a lot and I still use it for charity squares or for pictures where the whole background is stitched. I Think that my stitches look especially neat on it and it's fairly inexpensive so I just stick to it.

I also love stitching on Linen, 28 or 32 ct. I actually prefer 32 ct, but 28 is also OK. I adore stitching on 36-40ct with just one thread. I think it looks very very subtle and sophisticated. It's such a pity that I do not have any new project done this way. I have some Polish 36 ct linen which is really very very pretty and nice wuality, it's just not stitching linen and in some places it's slightly rectangular not square. But still for some patterns it only gives the piece "antique" feel and my French Mystery Garden looked great on it. I still have quite a lot of this fabric and I'm looking for another pattern to stitch on it. It is slightly difficult for the eyes, but so worth it. For the look linen is my most favorite fabric.

As far as stitching itself is concerned I like cotton or cotton blends, but with some kind of structure. I love structure. So in fact Meran, Quaker Cloth (Bantry), Annabelle are my favorites. It's such a pity they don't come in as many colors as Cashel linen. Funnily it's impossible to buy 28ct or 32 ct Lugana in Germany., even though it's made here. Even my most favorite shop for fabric here in Germany doesn't carry it. I find it so ridiculous to order German fabric from the US, but then DMC is made in France and I also get it via floss fairies from the US, so I shouldn't wonder too much LOL.

I have yet to try hand-dyes, in fact I have some ordered and I'm waiting impatiently for them to come. I'm sure I will fall in love immediately, they are just so awfully expensive that I won't be able to indulge too often. But for now I will be doing the two Dracolair's Dragon - Dawn Awakening and Midnight Hunting on wonderful had-dyed fabby, I can't wait!!!

Sunday, February 13, 2005

Thank you again

I am still working on Venice Palace, because it's so easy that I can manage it even at the moment. I have huge problem to concentrate on anything for longer than 20 seconds, but Michael Powell is just OK. I will try to take some pics, but I don't promise anything.

I took my exam yesterday, but I cannot guess how I did. I have to wait till Thursday to get to know. The teacher is from hell so I expect just anything.

On the top of the previous crap we have even more problems with the cats. Not only people seem to have gotten poorer and we cannot sell the kittens. Then we have some problems with paperwork that DH messed up with. He already got things straight but one person got really furious about it and "promised" to badmouth us everywhere on the Internet and in person. That we considered that person a friend of course makes things worse... Next is a very sick kitty. The vet thought she had a poisoning, but she's not getting any better and today had an x-ray and sonogramm. Her liver test results came back "out of range" and it really looks like it's concer not poisoning... We give her two more days and are going to put her down if she doesn't get better. It seems to be the most reasonable things to do, as she's not in pain at the moment. I am already grieving her, as the chance is really very small. We decided to make it official that we quit breeding cats. Somehwere on the way it stopped being fun. We have been considering the decision since Christmas and are both relieved that we both want to quit.

I hope it's enough now and the future is going to look better.

Thursday, February 10, 2005

Hi everyone!

My Internet was down AGAIN for days and I almost recovered from the addiction LOL. The truth is that I missed you all very much and I'm happy to be back, hopefully for good this time.

Stitchingwise I have finished both Weeping Wisteria and Catch the Wind - almost completing my obligatory finishes for this year LOL. Of course I hope for a couple more, but I'm already happy with the HDs at the moment. I am also very happy that Weeping Wisteria is done, at the end I hated backstitching every single stitch on the flowers so much!

I have started Michael Powell Venice Palace, even though it hadn't been really planned, but I hope it will be finished fairly soon. My order from Bobbie has not yet arrived so I couldn't start anything from it. It doesn't matter though, I have three new pieces to work on.

Lifewise things look much worse, but I won't bore you with details. I am counting it as a huge succes that I'm still breathing. All other things I started working on like dieting, gym, stopping procrastination, learning to focus my attention are on hold now until I am halfway alive again.

I have always had serious issues with my parents but again in my most serious life crisis ever they have proven I cannot count on them. Why have I ever hoped? At least I know now for sure to never ever count on them again.

If Rachel was Hitler in her previous life, I must have been at least Goebbels. Or rather more probably Stalin. You know you have a sense of humor, when you can laugh nonetheless...