Monday, February 28, 2005

Mastering Reality Rejection

"I reject your reality... and substitute my own!" - Adam Savage, Mythbuster

I am in, full time in, this time. No February this year, no February next year, no February ever. And I used to like this month before...

I think a little bit of my reality would do good to my world, so here I come:

In my reality DH has a fulfilling career and is able to see me as a partner and beloved person. He understand he's not only a father, but also a husband, above all a husband and acts accordingly. DD is just DD, because in fact, she's perfect as she is. Still. I hope we won't mess her too soon. But the person who is completely different is me. I am the person I was 6 years ago, just with the experience I have now. OK, I was definitely far from being perfect 6 years ago, but somewhere on the way I gave up on myself.

In my reality I have a couple of close friends, living within 15 minutes from here, when I can always pop up for tea and chat. You don't get fat from carbs and working up is pure pleasure. Keeping a horse is ridiculously cheap, so I have two in the garden that miraculously takes care of itself all alone.

Some anonymous sponsor recognizes my intelligence and comes up with an offer to found my research in whatever I please if I decide to pursue my PhD. He offers me help from some really helpful, friendly and interesting professors who guide me in the right direction and discuss voluntarily my ideas.

I don't feel lost between the cultures, but at home in both.

And to top everything there's one person out there in whose arms I can cry out and who never judges me for what I am not and never pressures me to give myself up.


Anonymous anneke said...

Hi Gosia,
I live relatively closeby, but not so nearby you can visit and chat. You sound a bit sad. Is there anything we can do to make you feel better? Please let me know.

1:34 PM  

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