Thursday, April 28, 2005

Update

Thanks for all your words. It's too early for me to analyse too much, I'm just afraid I would loose it and break to pieces. But I'm sure I will come back and call you on your wonderful offers to mail you when I need a shoulder, and it will be soon.

I tried to run some errands today and it looks very bad for me :( It seems there's no way to go back to work earlier than in February like planned. I haven't talked to my boss, and chances are he would agree, but I won't find a daycare space for DD. I have a place for her starting next January, but I applied for it many months ago. And private daycare at 800 Euro (over 1000USD) is out of the question, I won't earn enough to cover that. I will also have to cut my working hours to 7 a day. Daycares close at 5pm and I will have to pick DD before, which means I need to leave shortly after 4 pm. I hope it's going to be possible, but it will mean a pay cut. Appartments are really expensive and I have debt that DH conveniently made in my name (don't ask why I agreed), so things are going to be tough for a time.

I need to finish my Master degree and I should pass the 4 Microsoft exams that I'm still missing until then. If I manage all that, I am going to ask for a raise. But I need to put a great amount of work into achieveing that. My brain feels empty and numb at the moment, but I know that too shall pass...

Now I need to find a strategy to cope with everything until next spring. I can't move out, I don't have any money at all. I can't move to my parents, because they don't live in Germany and DH would sue me for taking DD out of the country permanently.

DH hasn't always been so bad. He's never been an angel, he has always been lying to me, but mostly about small things. It seems that it's kind of midlife crisis for him (he's almost 40) plus the fact that I used to be the main breadwinner and now don't earn anything. When he was dependant on my income he seemed to have at least some respect. Now when I'm dependant on him, he does not have any left. Except for physical abuse, there's nothing he decided to spare me. And in the same time he accuses me of wanting a divorce and destroying DD's family.

Will it sound bitter when I write that my Mom has always stringly disliked DH and before I got married 6 years ago, correctly predicted everything? She has always been (and still is) very correct towards him, but she was sooo right.

4 Comments:

Blogger Mia said...

Gosia, I am still keeping you in my prayers.

A question for you...can you speak to a lawyer? I know in the States you can have a consultation with a lawyer to know your rights and it doesn't cost anything. Do you have something like that in Germany? Your best defense right now is to arm yourself with information. Also, write down everything your husband is doing to you whether it be verbal or physical. Don't sit there and let him make you a victim. Don't let him think he has control over you. Be strong and fight!!! You can do it!! It may be hard but you can do it and you will come out on top. You will also learn of your rights and the process of getting out of your marriage and keeping your self-esteem and dignity intact.

And remember, you have lots of friends that will be here for you. Hold on to that!!! Email me anytime. I will always listen.

2:51 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

{{{Gosia}}}

Mia's advice is good - definitely speak to a lawyer and start documenting everything. Over here we have Citizen's Advice Bureaux, which provide free legal information - do you have anything like that near you?

I really wish I could do more to help. Like others have said, please feel free to email me any time and I will listen.

Take care and stay strong.

Karen

6:27 PM  
Blogger Jill in CA said...

Good heavens Gosia, I wish I lived closer and could help you somehow. I am so sorry that you are in such a bind. If there is physical abuse are there any social programs to help out there? I know there are programs here to help women and children get out of abusive situations. I hope there is something there too. Hang in there; we are all here for you.

7:04 PM  
Blogger WhizGidget said...

I second, or is it third, the advice to be documenting everything - verbal, physical, emotional, mental... No one makes you a doormat but yourself, so don't lie down and take his abuse.

We're here for you...

7:22 PM  

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