Monday, October 31, 2005

Weekend

We spent another great weekend. The weather was simply geaorgous and we had lots of fun. Each time we have the children, the first day is difficult and then it gets easier. They seem to get used to the rules and open up more. They also seem to enjoy activities more ans stop complaining that much.

Friday was pretty much low key, just a short walk with DD. On Saturday we went grocery shopping to the bio market and talked with the kids about eating vegetables, choosing and buying them, etc. Then we wanted to eat ice cream at my favorite place, but it was already closed for winter :( so we just picked some packaged ice and went to a very nice playground. We stayed there for several hours and came back home.

Sunday was really busy. After breakfast we went to a gallery to pick up a present for my friend, whose housewarming party was in the evening. Then we went to the zoo, ate potato pancaces, the kids went home and we went to the said party. It was really a very nice one (not mentioning the appartment - it's wonderful!) and T. said he really liked my friends. I'm happy to hear this, I was slightly anxious about him not liking my friends, etc. DD was very well behaved all day, even though she didn't want to sleep at all during the day. She fell asleep on our way back home in the car :) and looked so cute.

We talked quite a lot about the kids during the weekend and I have an impression that our communication and stand on that issue is improving very nicely :) I wish this were really true and we could work out not only this, but also any future problem we might encounter.

Friday, October 28, 2005

Misc.

The enchiladas turned fantastic, they disappeared quickly :) I'm going to try out some other Maxican recipes next week, I really love Mexican food. I didn't bake the cheesecake, though, maybe today, before the kids come.

Yesterday was a the first payday for me after the mat leave (feels good to be earning money again) - we get paid monthly, but the money was on the bank account yesterday already. I think we're going to get a bike for me tomorrow. I haven't had a bike for almost 10 years, so I'm really looking to it. My very own bike :) I'm going to ride it very often, because I've gained weight again, unfortunately. I hope it's going to help and I need to change my eating habits again, because this time I really want to lose weight. You know, the motivation ;)

I felt quite down and clingy yesterday and we even had a fight, but all is great now. I forgot how difficult those first months of living together really are. Setting boundaries, testing those of the other person and all this in a small appartment :) I think we're doing great, though, considering the circumstances. I still have so many unsolved issues that are bothering me, that I sometimes overreact or get too clingy. Usually I'm OK, it's just sometimes, but I see how it can be hard to cope with. I guess I need to find other techniques to help with the anxiety. Hmmm, stitching?? LOL!

Thursday, October 27, 2005

SBQ & Christmas presents & Anything that comes to my mind...

So, I'm going to start answering SBQs again, I've missed them. I am still not stitching yet, but I hope that browsing your blogs, watching all the wonderful progress, answering SBQs and a planned session of stash-fondling (planned for todays afternoon) will do the trick in the end. I know already that most propabely I am going to start stitching Dracolair's Dawn Awakening first. There are no feelings attached to this piece and T. seems to like the draggie (I adore it in the first place) so it's a good candidate. I also think I have it fully kitted, so there should be no problem to just sit down put it on the q-frame and stitch.

Have you ever stitched something as a gift and later realized that receiver doesn’t respect your stitched gift a bit (for example it’s never on show, or you have other reason to suspect that it may even be nonexistent or at least placed in some dark storage room corner)? If so, what have you done? If you’ve been lucky enough to avoid such people what would you do if it’d happen to you?

I consider a giftz "gone" the moment it's been given and try to enjoy my good feeling of having given a hand-made gift and do not ask what happened to it ;) I find it easier this way :) As my stitching is usually very limited by real life, I rarely give stitched gifts. I wish I could do it more often and I hope it's going to happen, but at the moment it just ain't happening. I would like to stitch at least one ornie per child for Christmas, but until I start stitching again, I can't plan it. I would also like to stitch something for T., as unfortunately TW's Tempest got lost in space somewhere. I'm not sure if I'm into stitching him once more or if I just stick to Dawn Awakening.

Speaking of Christmas presents or presents in general... All three kids have birthday withing a month or so. Add Santa and Christmas and T's birthday that is shortly after New Year and you see the necessity to commit a bank robbery ;) I wish all this could be spread over the year more evenly. Originally I wanted to make quilts for the children for Christmas, but I know no way at the moment I could actually finish them. I'd still like to have something hand-made for all of them, just because I think it would be good for them. I just need to think what it should be, especially for an 8yo boy it's not going to be easy.

Wednesday, October 26, 2005

Sunny weather

Today we have really great weather, staying at work is really a waste of such beautiful time ;) I wish I could go home just now and enjoy the last rays of October sun, we're going to miss them very soon.

The kids ate sweet pepper yesterday, so I won at least partially. As a revenge they tought DD eat chocolate, sigh. Up till yesterday she actually didn't like sweets and I liked it this way ;) It's so difficult to keep the "no sweets, no TV until 3yo" policy now with older children ;) But it was a very nice day yesterday and also the kids were much better behaved. We're going to get a pumpkin on Friday and let the kids carve it. I've never done it before (Halloween is not very big here), but I think it's going to be great fun. Anything we have to know about carving a pumpkin???

Today I'm going to make veggie enchiladas and maybe cheescake, but we'll see when I'm back home if I still feel like :) I also need to prepare the photos we took at the Baltic sea and put them online, there are some really nice ones, especially of DD.

And yes, it does feel really good when my blog is getting really boring. Boring boring. Boring boring boring. I think I'll be going back to answering some memes soon :)

Tuesday, October 25, 2005

Life's getting boring...

I run a danger of getting deadly boring in my blog. yesterday was another good day. I know it's nothing special for most of you, just a day like any other, but I want to gather such days, there have been so few of them in my life in the recent years.

T. picked me up from work, we went grocery shopping together, then picked DD from daycare together and went back home. Boring, normal and simply sweet. We also changed our insurances to a family model (covering all three of us), cleaned the app a bit and talked about holiday planning for the next year again. It seems that I don't have enough vacation time to cover everything we would like to do, but it still looks like we could do most of the things we'd love to do. Thanks God for living in Europe and having 30 vacation days :) The only thing that gets on my nerves is the X-mass thing. I have to take 5 days this year to cover for daycare that is closing. Wasted time, as we cannot go anywhere anyway. I may try to ask a friend to take DD on the 23th and save one day, but we'll see :)

Today the kids are with us, but I don't know what we're going to do. The weather is not very friendly, so we may just stay inside and play some games or draw. I also have an evil plan - try to get them to eating some raw vegetables ;) They usually just eat French fries, spaghetti with butter, pizza or bread with butter. We'll see how it goes.

Monday, October 24, 2005

Weekend

Weekend turned out to be very nice.

On Friday I went to a Polish party, that turned out to be Polish-Brazilian. There was a Brazilian concert in the bar we met and unfortunately the singer only knew 3 songs which got quite tiring after a very short time. We had great fun nonetheless, but next time we meet somewhere where there's no live music ;) I was home at 1 am on Sat and it felt good to be out for so long. Maybe I'm not that old, after all ;) I'm looking forward to meeting the people I got to know again soon :)

On Saturday we went to the weekly market to get some fruit and vegetable (the best place to get bio stuff) and met our friend D. there. Then T. had to go to his son's birthday and we we went home, drank some wine, ate steaks and baked potatoes and talked, talked, talked... It was really nice. When T. came back, we watched Monthy Pyton and the Holy Grail, drank some more wine and had fun. Even T. ate a bit of steak, but you could see he didn't like it ;) Even though I generally don't eat meat at the moment, sometimes I make an exception and enjoy a piece ;) especially if I'm eating out without T. So I guess we're going to stitck to baked potatoe, baked beans, salad and garlic bread as the vege variation of eating steak, because T. loved those.

On Sunday we met D. again and actually we wanted to see an exhibition (Picasso), but the weather was ugly, DD was fussy, so we stayed home and watched K-PAX instead. Wow, what a great film!!! If anyone knows anything that is similar in athmosphere, topic or in any way, please let me know, we LOVED it!

Yesterday there was also the presidential election in Poland, but I'm not going to say more about it, except that I'm ready to eat or burn my pass. What a shame!

Friday, October 21, 2005

And up again

It seems that my mood from the last couple of days evaporated and I feel much much better now. At least something and just right for the weekend.
I managed to get the last document for Child Services yesterday, so now I just have to wait for their decision about child support advance for DD. It's not much, but even a bit is better than the nothing STBXH is paying ;)

I have some problems at work, after those 2 years everything seems so difficult. I seem to have forgotten even the easiest things, like hot to debug anything in Visual Studio, etc. I think I need to devote some time to go through all the books that are gathering dust on my shelves, after 3 weeks at work, it's time to get productive. I'm still positive that I'll manage it.

Today I am going out in the evening. I'm a member of a Polish BB and today is the monthly meeting. I know some of the people, but I've never participated in the monthly thingie, so I'm curious about it. T. offered to stay with DD, so that I can go :)

Tomorrow is V.'s (T.'s son) birthday, so T. will be gone whole day. It makes me a bit sad to think that we're not invited, but on the other hand, I somehow understand. Maybe next year :) But because I didn't want to spend whole Saturday alone at home, DD and I are meeting a friend in the afternoon and I hope we'll be having some fun as well :)

I'm not yet sure about Sunday, but I'd like to do something fun with T. We haven't spent a whole day together for 2 weeks now, so I'd really love to.

And today we are getting a new sofa, I think the first piece of real (I mean bigger) furniture we bought together. I can't wait!

Thursday, October 20, 2005

October Goals & Co.

I know it's already Oct. 20th, but I feel the urge to restart setting my monthly goals, so I guess today is as good as any other. I'm still down, even more than yesterday and I even told T. in the morning, that I'm feeling unhappy. We didn't really have any time to talk, which might be good. I just hope the feeling disappears soon. I may also be getting a cold, I have dry cough... This would at least explain my mood, even if it's the thing I need least at the moment.

One of the projects I need to do this term is to write an object-oriented programm, with a proper model-view-controller design. I have been thinking what should I write. A kind of personal diary?? A universal everything-to-everything converter? A simple computer game? Something to archive and manage pieces of information (like CUEcards)? I'd be happy for any advice you might have, anything you've always wanted to have, but couldn't find... I hate writing totally useless software, even for learning purposes.

And now the goals for the remaining October days:

1. Finish gathering the documents for Child Services and report STBXH for not paying child support since July (I only need one more document). I may be elligible for child support advance from Child Services, which means that they would try to track him down and get their money back instead of me. I just need one more document, which I hope to be able to obtain today.
2. Decide what I am going to programm for school and start designing it.
3. Bank.
4. Decide which Microsoft exam I am going to take first and check until when they are going to offer them (with VS.NET 2005 due in November)
5. Talk to Mom about her taking DD during summer holidays next year.
6. Try to track STBXH again and if he's still missing get paperwork done for filing a divorce without his consent (more difficult, more expensive)
7. Bring the remaining documents to DD's daycare (and try to prove I had no income until July - I mean it's easy to prove income, but how to prove NO income??)
8. Start writitng my Master thesis, so that I'll be able to show something in November to my prof.
9. Find a nice recipe for veggie enchiladas and make them.

I think that's more than enough for 10 days, we'll see how I am going to score at it.

Wednesday, October 19, 2005

sigh...

I seem to be on a rollercoaster of feelings and moods... I guess it's normal under the circumstances, but tiring nonetheless.

The problems I face usually get solved one by one, life gets easier and steadier, there are no major dangers looming in the future. And I still I feel a bit sad today... I should be happy for what I have, it's so much more than I could hope for. It's not that I miss or want anything, it's just a general feeling. I guess it's the aftermath of what happened before and I hope it's over soon, I mean it should, right?

OK, there's something I really yearn at the moment. This would be quality time, alone with T. As DD's father disappeared from the surface of Earth, we have her all the time at home. At the moment we can't afford a babysitter and we're both too tired on the evenings to go out anyway. My dream would be a couple of days, alone with T. anywhere actually. We plan to go on a 10-14 days long holiday all alone next summer, but it seems so awfully far away at the moment ;) I just want it now ;)

Our short trip to the Baltic Sea we took at the beggining of the month was so wonderful, even though we had DD with us, that I'd love to repeat it immediately. Just the change of scenery made us think about different things and changed so much in our relationship. It's like we have history now, we had been missing so much before.

Next year should be much better, though. We plan to take all the kids to the mountains in Poland in Jan/Feb, then to the sea in summer, go on holiday alone and maybe some more short tripy, if the money allows it. So I just need to survive until January...

I think it's all because I feel so tired at the moment, and there's so much to do... I guess a low-key weekend should do the trick and help me feel happier again.

Thanks so much for your offers to talk about stepkids/etc. issues, I'll write either today or tomorrow :)

Tuesday, October 18, 2005

Getting used to work...

Last post got deleted, because T. was not happy with me blogging about him so openly. We talked about it several more times and it seems that he's OK with that now, but for the time being, I'll rather stay away from talking about him ;) There are some things I would like to talk about, but I guess I better keep it private. I would like to talk to someone who has some experience with stepchildren issues. Please write me at gosiuniek AT gmx DOT de or just let me know in the comments and I'll write you. Thanks!

It's my third week at work and I'm slowly getting used to it. It's a really slow process, as the two years were a really long time. But I'm starting to acquire some routines and my computer is finally installed! DD seems to be happy at her daycare, she fusses a bit on Monday mornings, but besides, she interacts well with the children and caregivers. She even seems to miss her daycare at the weekends.

I have started my last term at school and it's going to be a really hard one. I have three big projects to prepare and of course I have to finish my Master thesis until early March. Besides I need to pass some Microsoft exams before January. It seems that my plate is really going to be very full until March. I think I'm going to sit down during the weekend and try to plan all those things somehow. Quite a change after my SAHM life, I must admit.

Besides life is quite OK. It still does hurt a lot and it's going to take years until I feel secure again, but I'm sure I'll manage. I still haven't gone back to stitching, but I hope I'll manage to sqeeze something small before X-mas. I also have Christmas Heirloom Sampler finished, so I may just frame it and be happy ;)

Friday, October 07, 2005

Family picture

Sorry, no pic :(

Tuesday, October 04, 2005

Back to somewhat normal

Well, at least my version of normal.

Today is my first day at work. Which means installing, installing, installing... I hope to be able to do anything productive tomorrow.

Besides, life is tough, but manageable. But everything moves in the right direction.

I still have tons of issues unsolved and surely I'll come here again and again to talk about them. T. has decided he's not going to read my blog so I have a free way to write about everything and anything I feel like.

Now back to work...