Wednesday, October 19, 2005


I seem to be on a rollercoaster of feelings and moods... I guess it's normal under the circumstances, but tiring nonetheless.

The problems I face usually get solved one by one, life gets easier and steadier, there are no major dangers looming in the future. And I still I feel a bit sad today... I should be happy for what I have, it's so much more than I could hope for. It's not that I miss or want anything, it's just a general feeling. I guess it's the aftermath of what happened before and I hope it's over soon, I mean it should, right?

OK, there's something I really yearn at the moment. This would be quality time, alone with T. As DD's father disappeared from the surface of Earth, we have her all the time at home. At the moment we can't afford a babysitter and we're both too tired on the evenings to go out anyway. My dream would be a couple of days, alone with T. anywhere actually. We plan to go on a 10-14 days long holiday all alone next summer, but it seems so awfully far away at the moment ;) I just want it now ;)

Our short trip to the Baltic Sea we took at the beggining of the month was so wonderful, even though we had DD with us, that I'd love to repeat it immediately. Just the change of scenery made us think about different things and changed so much in our relationship. It's like we have history now, we had been missing so much before.

Next year should be much better, though. We plan to take all the kids to the mountains in Poland in Jan/Feb, then to the sea in summer, go on holiday alone and maybe some more short tripy, if the money allows it. So I just need to survive until January...

I think it's all because I feel so tired at the moment, and there's so much to do... I guess a low-key weekend should do the trick and help me feel happier again.

Thanks so much for your offers to talk about stepkids/etc. issues, I'll write either today or tomorrow :)


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