Friday, November 25, 2005

It's my party and I cry if I want to...

... you would cry too, if it happened to you!

I've been quiet because of being on a downward spiral again. This week has been really bad and I mean really, really bad. I have quite a lot of problems because of the debt I acquired from STBXH. There's so much paperwork still to do regarding everything, divorce, debts, DD's daycare, taxes, I mean everything. And it's too much for me. I have problems keeping up with everything, going to the appointments, brining the right documents, sorting everything out. They usually also want STBXH to sing something and somehow cannot understand that I cannot MAKE him sign anything. Sigh...

Add problems with T's children to to the mixture and you have one me who is completely losing it. Unfortunately T is so much into his own problems with the children that he's not a real help. He cannot understand that I'm already on the verge on breaking down, that I cannot take much more, that I need help with all those tasks until I get on my feet again. He says he understands but he continues business as usual, awaiting help from me and ignoring my problems. It has worked quite well until now, but at the moment I simply cannot.

It's snowing here in Berlin, for the first time this winter... It's just one month until Christmas and I hoped this Advent was going to be so calm and happy... I guess it was unrealistic to begin with, the war with life has never ended, it was just a ceasefire and it's over now... Sorry for being so pathetic, I hope tomorrow is going to be a better day.


Blogger Christine said...

(((Gosia))) Is there anyone else you can talk to, your mom or a friend? It sounds like you have so much on your plate and need someone to vent to. Please don't feel bad about doing so in your blog.

Have you tried explaining to T that you're just not up to all the things you feel you should be responsible for? Maybe explaining that and asking for help will make him realize the pressure you feel.

And if a good cry helps, there's nothing wrong with that.

4:06 PM  
Blogger Belinda said...


7:26 PM  
Anonymous fionnola said...

I SOOO feel for you, and you know that I've been down a very similar road too...
Cry if you feel like, blog about it, tell all your friends (even if they do not want to hear about it, they will understand you need to vent it out!), just get all those feelings out! Otherwise you will break down - trust me, I know what I am talking about.
Will write you an email tomorrow (final thesis due tomorrow 9 am, a lot to do till).
Till then, you are in my thoughts and prayers.

1:19 PM  

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