Tuesday, February 07, 2006

February

I think it's time for an update :) Not much has changed here lately, just the usual ups and downs. Work is on the up side, I am making progress on learning Java, also managed to get some productive work done already. My motivation is up again and I'm actually happy to be on the new team. I think I am going to learn a lot and it's the right path to go for me.

School is so-so. I managed to finish all the projects, so I'm left with the thesis only. I haven't made any progress on this and I'll need to ask for an extension, but there shouldn't be a problem with obtaining that (except for that I'll need to pay for it). My grades really suck this term, I have never had such bad grades in my life. I didn't expect it to be different, though, and my average should still be good enough to grant me an overall A on the diploma, of course, if I get As for thesis and defence. We'll see.

Most of the paperwork has been done. I haven't filed for a divorce yet, though. I don't know why. I rarely rememebr that I'm still married and almost never think about the past. I know I need to stop procrastinating on this goal, visit my lawyer and file. It's going to take a century anyway, sigh.

At home... I'm afraid it's the down side. We've been fighting a lot. Things got much better, but there's a huge unsolved underlying issue between us. DBF's kids. They are really spoilt and his son is severely ADHD. When we talk DBF admits we need to introduce structure and rules, but he never really tries to do it. One tear, one sad face and he forgets everything.

I do understand that he misses them awfully and doesn't want to end up with estranged children and *I* could live with it. Clenching my teeth, but I could. But DD is having serious issues. She has night terrors on the nights the kids are with us. She doesn't understand why DBF behaves so unfair towards her, when the kids are with us. She doesn't understand why her behaviour has consequences and the other kids' doesn't. She doesn't understand why she has to share her toys and is not allowed even to look at theirs. And the kids are with us 5 out of 14 days, so it's not that seldom actually... Not mentioning of course that his behaviour is harmful to his kids too, he doesn't behave like a father and they do not or very seldom perceive him as a father.

I just don't know what to do. We do communicate. DBF always says I'm right and he wants to change but it just doesn't happen. He is normally able to modify his behaviour, we worked through some issues successfully. It's just this one problem, that makes me think about moving out... And I hate the thought...

1 Comments:

Blogger Isabelle said...

This is tough, Gosia. I do hope you and DBF manage to solve that issue. (((hugs)))

1:18 PM  

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