Tuesday, January 23, 2007

The End

T. split up with me on Saturday definitely. I still can't stop crying yet, so many hopes, so much time and effort invested. I so wanted it to work...

I have to decide whatever I stay in Germany or go back to Poland to live with my parents. Both have pros and cons and I just don't know what to do.

I'm so scared of the future, that I can't cope with anything at the moment, so I'm staying with my parents this week in Poland. It won't be long enough to get really better, but at least I'm away from the situation for the moment. It's still very painful and I miss home unbelievably, but the point is that I have no home at the moment. I have to decide where it is going to be and how I am going to solve financial problems.

Will this pain ever end? All I want from life is a family and someone to love and I can never get it. Why???

Tuesday, January 16, 2007

How painfully true...


You are The Tower


Ambition, fighting, war, courage. Destruction, danger, fall, ruin.


The Tower represents war, destruction, but also spiritual renewal. Plans are disrupted. Your views and ideas will change as a result.


The Tower is a card about war, a war between the structures of lies and the lightning flash of truth. The Tower stands for "false concepts and institutions that we take for real." You have been shaken up; blinded by a shocking revelation. It sometimes takes that to see a truth that one refuses to see. Or to bring down beliefs that are so well constructed. What's most important to remember is that the tearing down of this structure, however painful, makes room for something new to be built.


What Tarot Card are You?
Take the Test to Find Out.

Sigh

The home situation is heading fast in a very bad direction and there's actually nothing I can do to change it. I am extremely unhappy because of it, because I still do love and it's going to break my and DD's heart.

My current survival strategy is to take care of myself. I am dieting again and I want to lose those 15 kg overweight I have and I'm going to a hairstylist soon. I've had long, blonde hair for 15 years and it's high time for a change. I want to celebrate my new single life with a new attractive look ;)

I hope I'll be able to update my weight loss ticker very often, lol.

Friday, January 12, 2007

2007 Goals Part III

OK, but this one is the last one:

10. Be a better Mom.

I have to decide if I'm going to commit to teaching Alizée to read this year or not. As it's not a good idea to teach reading in two languages in the same time, I have to teach Polish either before or a year or two after she goes to school. And I don't like the idea of her being 8 or older when she's first introduced to reading in Polish. The drawback is that I should spend 10-15 minutes with her reading every day and I don't seem to be able to do it at the moment. I just need a way to become more organized, 10 minutes a day is really not that much.

Taking care of her friendships is easy, I like the Moms, so meeting them regularly is fun not only for DD.

No karate skipping, no matter how much I feel like going home directly after work. Next year I'd like DD to go to dance class, but this year I think just karate is OK.

At least twice a month I'd like us to do something extra (educational) for DD, visit a museum, go to the zoo, theater, or for a really long walk. We do it already, but why not list it anyway and I'd like to go to the theater or museum with her more often now, when she's over 3 years old.

Stop skipping evening reading session (this should get better in March after my thesis is due).

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Monday, January 08, 2007

2007 Goals Part II

5. Return to having hobbies. I miss stitching and knitting socks and I wnat to come back to them. I just need to find a way to incorporate them into my life that I still have enough time to write the thesis.

6. Exercise.

7. Sort out all problems from previous life.

8. Decide what I want to do when I grow up ;) This includes decisions concerning: PhD, relationship, where I want to live and what I really want to do.

9. Learn to prioritize and spend my time wisely on most important goals.

I think this should be it, anything above would be a bonus.

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Wednesday, January 03, 2007

2007 Goals

2007 Goals

I haven't listed my goals in the last two years and I can't help having an impression that I achieved less, then when I was clearly defining and listing my goals. So here comes the first draft of my goals, I'm sure I'm going to rewrite and reorder them several times, but it's a start.

1. Lose weight. My current weight is 74 kg, my goal is 60 kg. I know I have listed this goal again and again, but this time I bet on New Year's Eve and I'm going to win the bet!!!

2. Write my Master thesis (due in Feb/March)

3. Improve my English. Although I am still reading a lot, my English started to deteriorate. I am going to write more and possible find someone who would wish to exchange e-mails on a regular basis (like once-twice a week) and who would correct mine and wouldn't mind giving some language tipps. Also. I want to come back to blogging.

4. Learn Java and J2EE. If possible, I am going to stick with my job in 2007, but I don't want to fall even more behind than I am now.

More to come...