Thursday, February 22, 2007

Ash Wednesday

I didn't make it to the church yesterday, although I actually wanted to. But I was tired and it would mean for DD going to bed after 8.30pm, which is much too late on a weekday. So we didn't make it.

But still, it was a day when I had more time to think about things than I usually do. I try not to overanalyze (yeah, I know there's no real chance to actually succeed at this goal, but at least I try to keep overanalyzing to my minimum necessary level), but sometimes such a day is well needed. I let all the problems make themselves heard, there are still so many of them. I wish it were over now, I have a very hard time coping with everything. Well, at least at the moment financial problems are getting so burning that I have less time to think about everything else ;) N+42th time in life, I am trying to get it right this time and again I feel I am slipping down the cliff... I need to get back to the one step at a time mode.

I've been thinking hard what I should do for the Lent and nothing better comes to my mind then giving up sweets and yelling at DD. Both are difficult enough for me to make good goals, so keep your fingers crossed for me, I'm gonna need it.

I am also slowly adjusting to being alone. Eating alone, sleeping alone. It doesn't feel as bad any more and there are times when I actually enjoy being able to do what I please instead of taking into consideration other people's needs. I can read as much as I wish without being scolded for wasting my time :) OK, things are not gonna stay this way, I have to write my stupid thesis sooner or later.

Things with my friend are complicated and sometimes I can't get rid of the feeling that it makes everything rather harder than easier. I guess I should have known it.

On the bright side, I managed to keep my weight and even lose a tad - 200g.

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Friday, February 16, 2007

More changes - the Tower Part II

Do you remember my tarot card, the Tower? At this point everything that happened next had already been set into scene, I just didn't know about it yet. The destruction was painful, but necessary. I shiver now when I think that I could have lived with someone like that for many more months or even years.

What I didn't believe at that time though, was the second part, the one about the destruction being necessary to make space for building up something new. I know something new needs a lot of available space and I'm going to give it as much space as I can. I'd actually go away immediately from this something new now, if it wasn't my bestest friend.

Whatever happens I do enjoy it at the moment and I had the most beuatiful V-Day I can remember. Completely heart-, pink- and red-free ;) Just perfect.

Tuesday, February 06, 2007

Weight loss progress

To everything there is a silver lining...

If you watch my weight loss progress bar, you've noticed that I'm halfway to my ideal weight, with a BMI of a nice 23. I have lost 8.5 kg and the difference is really astonishing. I think I am two clothes sizes smaller and actually feel pretty again ;) Of course I'm still not completely there, especially as I mainly lost weight above the waist and on the belly. My thighs and bum haven't changed a lot and they really need to. But those zones are the last one that are willing to give up additional weight, so I hope to see a change there too.

Unfortunately I have no camera, but I will try to talk someone into taking some photos of me, maybe during the weekend and I'll post them. I have some new clothes (the "get better" found I got from my Mom) so for the first time for years I'll actually enjoy posing ;)

Of course not everything is so simple and goes so well. I am looking for roommates for my appartment and haven't found any yet. I hope the time when I have to pay complete rent all alone won't be too long.

I also have problems at work. Last months have been very hard on me and my performance at work has suffered accordingly. I got a very bad review yesterday, so I cried all evening. The reviewer was mostly right, which only made it more painful. I hope I'll manage to get things back to my usual level soon, one thing I don't need at all at the moment is looking for a new job.

Saturday, February 03, 2007

Doing better

Thigs are starting to clear up and I'm doing way better than before. I still have a lot of paperwork to do and I really hate that, but I already have some ideas about what I want and what I absolutely do not want. I guess it's a good point to start with.

In the meantime, as you can see above, I have lost a lot of weight, which is good. OK, it's much too fast, but I can already eat normal again, so I guess the weight loss is going to slow down dramatically now. I also went to hair stylist and actually feel pretty again.